these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just high enough for therapy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
