I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
