I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
