I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
