wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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