My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
