I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
