Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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