when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
where are my eyebrows?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize