Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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