I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
