And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
