I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize