Fine. I'll sleep in my office
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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