After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
MIDGETS
????
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
