If that was your dad, he is hot
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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