dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
