I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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