Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
