yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
