I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
