I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
