I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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