It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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