saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
