We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
