i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
