Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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