you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize