You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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