My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
