You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
