Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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