Its about making memories worth repressing
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
