The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
