I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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