Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize