I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
