Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Soap is not a condiment
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
