Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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