She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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