My hand turned me down
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
