I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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