you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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