Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
