Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Did I show you my penis last night?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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