when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
