I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
