I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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