end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
