used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
foreskin is a definite game changer
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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