Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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