dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
