Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
