I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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