I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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