I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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