im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
