I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
