Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
