just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Green mimosas i think yes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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