He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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