dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
