I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
