hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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