I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
