Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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