It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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