Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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