I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize