Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
