i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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