i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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