Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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